Thanksgiving Rules of Conversation

Being a socially anxious introvert, I tend not to enjoy small talk. Whether it is with a stranger or someone I know, small talk makes me terribly uncomfortable and anxious to escape. Social gatherings, such as those during the holidays, seem to be full of small talk. Rarely does one hear a conversation that is deep or meaningful. Instead, conversation is simply left on the surface, with the same few topics being discussed around the room.

When my dad and stepmom moved back to Texas a couple of years ago, after five years of living overseas in Indonesia and Malaysia, they decided to start hosting Thanksgiving at their house. Prior to this, most of my Thanksgivings had been fairly small, spent with only close family members on either my mom's side or my dad's side. However, my stepmom has a larger family than either my dad or my mom have. My dad and stepmom also both have quite a few friends in their area who don't have family nearby to spend Thanksgiving with, so they spend it with us. This makes for a very large Thanksgiving celebration. Last year, their second year hosting Thanksgiving, there were 30+ people crammed into the house. As the daughter of the host, that meant having the same conversation with every person in the room. As soon as the people came pouring in, I knew it was time to brace myself, smile, and prepare my lines.

See, I have come to realize that given my age, gender, and whatever prior knowledge a person has of me, there are four main topics that people will typically ask me about first, before either ending the conversation or bravely attempting to continue by engaging me on a different subject.

School: "You're out of school now, right?" "No? When do you graduate?" "You still go to OU?" "What is UCO?" "What's your major?" "What is professional media?" "What do you want to do with that?" "What classes are you taking?" 
Yes, that's right. I transferred from a prestigious university to a school you've never heard of only to major in something you've also never heard of and it's taking me five and a half years to complete my first college degree. Thank you for not making me feel judged in this lovely start to our conversation.

My future: "So what are your plans for after graduation?" "Do you think you'll want to stay in Oklahoma City or move somewhere else?" "Do you think you'll want to look for jobs within your field or start somewhere else?" "WHAT IS YOUR FIVE YEAR PLAN, KRISTIN?!"
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW.

My current job situation: "Do you work anywhere now?" "What do you do there?" "Do you like it?" "What do/don't you like about it?" "How many hours do you work?" "Do you think you'll stay there after you graduate?"
You know, this is beginning to feel a bit like an interrogation. Did my dad put you up to this?

My love life: "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" "Are you seeing anyone?" "Are there any guys that you like?" "When are you going to settle down? Get married? Make babies?" "Do you just want to be single forever?"
Nope. Your guess is as good as mine. Nope. Uh, I don't know, Ryan Gosling? Probably never. If I tell you I'm a lesbian, will you stop talking?

There you have it, folks. The four topics to probably avoid asking your twenty-something female relatives about this Thanksgiving. Just shut up and eat.

Adulting Is Hard

After twenty three years of living, I am finally realizing that maybe I am just not cut out for adulthood. I moved out of my mom's house about two and a half years ago and have been living alone in my apartment ever since. How have I survived this long? I do not know. For a long time, probably the first two years, I basically lived off of microwave meals. Fairly recently, I realized if I want to be a healthy, functioning adult, I might want to start cooking and eating fresh foods because that's what adults do, right? I also decided to start trying to put effort into my appearance daily because when I get into the real world and have a big girl job, I assume I will be expected to look presentable and professional every day. Basically, my panic about my upcoming graduation and entrance into the "real world" has made me realize that I better learn how to "adult" and fast. But being an adult is turning out to be far more difficult than I had anticipated and I am quickly learning that maybe adulting just isn't for me.

I can't use my stove or oven without setting off the smoke detector.

The first time it happened, I had thought I'd try to be cute and cook dinner for a boy I liked. As I was making the sauce for our pasta, I began to notice the milk seemed to be absorbing too fast and the sauce wasn't very...saucy. Suddenly, the smoke alarm started blaring and he had to turn it off for me. I was mortified. I literally felt like Cher in Clueless when she attempted to bake for Christian. Tried to show a guy my domestic side and I almost started a fire. Real cute. Unfortunately it was not just a one time thing and I have set it off many times since, so now I keep my step ladder next to the smoke detector and take the battery out when I cook. It's a perfectly safe solution.

I am perpetually late.

I was four days late coming out of my mother and I have been late to everything ever since. I guess it all comes down to my terrible time management, but I just can't be on time. Even on the rare occasions when I am set to be on time, something happens that makes me late. Whether it be a train or an oil spill on the highway, there will always be something to ruin the pride I feel when I leave on time. If I'm being honest though, I almost never leave on time. My chronic lateness is something the people who know me well have been forced to accept. I'm the friend that has to be told that plans start at 7:30 when they really start at 8:00.

Ugh, dishes.

I love the feeling of having an empty dishwasher and being able to just put my dishes in as I use them. However, this is most often not the case. I don't know what it is about unloading the dishwasher that makes me want to just let my dirty dishes pile up on the counter instead of simply putting the clean dishes away to make room for dirty ones. And dishes that are hand wash only? Forget about it. I figure that's what double-sided sinks are for. One side is meant to be filled with hand wash only dishes that will probably never be washed.

Really, it's not just the dishes. Cleaning in general is not my thing.

My apartment is a disaster area about 97% of the time. Every once in a while, around every few months or so, I take the time to seriously clean my apartment. This is usually brought on by plans to have guests over, which is pretty rare. Most of the time, I'm too embarrassed to allow anyone to see the mess I live in. Even after my deep cleaning episodes, I can only manage to keep the place clean and picked up for about a week before I let it all crumble down again. It's not the actual cleaning that I mind so much though. I don't mind sweeping, scrubbing, mopping, dusting, etc. My problem with cleaning is the picking up that must be done before I can actually clean. My stuff always somehow manages to stay strung out despite my attempts to organize.

The majority of my money goes to Sephora.

Budgeting and finances are something I know absolutely nothing about. I even took a personal finance class a few semesters ago thinking it would be helpful for my future. I barely scraped by with a C and learned nothing. I don't even know why I spend so much money at Sephora. It's not like I wear that much makeup. Yet somehow I always manage to walk in planning to buy one thing and leave with a bag full of new products. You would think the shame I feel when I renew my VIB status would teach me a lesson, but it does not. Who needs money for groceries/rent/bills anyway?

I have to either google or ask my mom how to do just about everything.

I literally have to google how to cook an egg every time I cook or boil an egg. Last week, I had to ask my mom how to put air in my tires. The amount of things my mom still has to teach me, help me with, or even do for me is astonishing considering I'm a full grown adult and should know how to take of myself by now.