Thanksgiving Rules of Conversation

Being a socially anxious introvert, I tend not to enjoy small talk. Whether it is with a stranger or someone I know, small talk makes me terribly uncomfortable and anxious to escape. Social gatherings, such as those during the holidays, seem to be full of small talk. Rarely does one hear a conversation that is deep or meaningful. Instead, conversation is simply left on the surface, with the same few topics being discussed around the room.

When my dad and stepmom moved back to Texas a couple of years ago, after five years of living overseas in Indonesia and Malaysia, they decided to start hosting Thanksgiving at their house. Prior to this, most of my Thanksgivings had been fairly small, spent with only close family members on either my mom's side or my dad's side. However, my stepmom has a larger family than either my dad or my mom have. My dad and stepmom also both have quite a few friends in their area who don't have family nearby to spend Thanksgiving with, so they spend it with us. This makes for a very large Thanksgiving celebration. Last year, their second year hosting Thanksgiving, there were 30+ people crammed into the house. As the daughter of the host, that meant having the same conversation with every person in the room. As soon as the people came pouring in, I knew it was time to brace myself, smile, and prepare my lines.

See, I have come to realize that given my age, gender, and whatever prior knowledge a person has of me, there are four main topics that people will typically ask me about first, before either ending the conversation or bravely attempting to continue by engaging me on a different subject.

School: "You're out of school now, right?" "No? When do you graduate?" "You still go to OU?" "What is UCO?" "What's your major?" "What is professional media?" "What do you want to do with that?" "What classes are you taking?" 
Yes, that's right. I transferred from a prestigious university to a school you've never heard of only to major in something you've also never heard of and it's taking me five and a half years to complete my first college degree. Thank you for not making me feel judged in this lovely start to our conversation.

My future: "So what are your plans for after graduation?" "Do you think you'll want to stay in Oklahoma City or move somewhere else?" "Do you think you'll want to look for jobs within your field or start somewhere else?" "WHAT IS YOUR FIVE YEAR PLAN, KRISTIN?!"
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW.

My current job situation: "Do you work anywhere now?" "What do you do there?" "Do you like it?" "What do/don't you like about it?" "How many hours do you work?" "Do you think you'll stay there after you graduate?"
You know, this is beginning to feel a bit like an interrogation. Did my dad put you up to this?

My love life: "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" "Are you seeing anyone?" "Are there any guys that you like?" "When are you going to settle down? Get married? Make babies?" "Do you just want to be single forever?"
Nope. Your guess is as good as mine. Nope. Uh, I don't know, Ryan Gosling? Probably never. If I tell you I'm a lesbian, will you stop talking?

There you have it, folks. The four topics to probably avoid asking your twenty-something female relatives about this Thanksgiving. Just shut up and eat.