Couple Questions

I had a lovely little Friday night date night with my mom last night. We went to Iguana Grill because we needed Mexican food, and after having a couple (very strong) margaritas, I began to people watch. Friday nights are a prime time for people watching at restaurants. The most entertaining restaurant patrons for last night's people watching were mostly couples. Three couples in particular caught my attention and raised a few questions. Well, mostly the women in the coupleships raised a few questions.

Couple #1: Is it really necessary to rub your boyfriend's neck and bald head while sitting at a table with a group of your friends in a restaurant full of people? Did he ask you to? Or did you just, like, reach over and start rubbing because you noticed his neck seemed a little tense? Are public neck massages in the middle of dinner a thing that couples do regularly? Because if so, that's weird and also kind of gross.

Couple #2: Is it really that uncomfortable being at dinner with your boyfriend's family? My margarita came with a straw. I'm sure yours did too. So why are you chugging it like it's last call at the bar? Are you trying to seem completely disinterested in the conversation your boyfriend's brother is having with you, or is that just the way your face looks all the time?

Couple #3: Ah, yes, nothing like a painfully awkward first date. He keeps on talking, you keep nodding your head and sipping your water to avoid having any real part in the conversation. We've all been there, honey. Don't you wish that water was a margarita? And what exactly is he talking about that is so dull? Did you meet on Tinder?